Peters story

Name: Peter
Age: 37
Location: Humberside
Marital status: Married
Children: Two teenagers
Lover: One Name: Natasha
Age: 35
Location: London
Marital status: Married
Children: Two young children
Lover: One
I've been with my wife for 22 years and we are now like brother and sister. About five years ago, we stopped having sex.
I thought about divorce, but just couldn’t do it, I can’t trash my family – so I decided to live a double life.

I'm a successful 37-year-old man, with lots of interests and friends – but passion was totally missing from my life. My wife doesn’t want or need a physical relationship.

Around 18 months ago, I had a fling with a woman I met at a conference. She was just like me, married and drifting apart from her husband.

It only lasted a few weeks, but she told me about Illicit Encounters.

Six months later, I logged on and started reading people’s profiles. I worked out there were two types of women on there. Ones who were just in it for the sex and those who were just like me – unhappy in a relationship and desperate for a connection.

The website seemed perfect, like everyone on there thinks the way I do. No one asks for commitment, no one is going to say ‘leave your wife for me’ but we all want to meet someone special.

Amazingly, so many people say that if they hadn’t found a website like this then they would be getting a divorce.

I got chatting to a girl on the website and then on email. We had a laugh, we got on very well online and on the phone.

As we live around 350 miles apart, we agreed to meet halfway for drinks and dinner.

We had booked rooms in the same hotel, but because we got on so well and found each other so attractive, we ended up having sex, taking all the appropriate precautions.

I had a great time. I felt like all my pent up frustration had been vented. Despite that, we spoke three or four times after the meeting and agreed there wasn’t enough of a spark between us. We have remained friends and confidants ever since.

I found out later it was very unusual for members to sleep together on the first date.

When I logged on again, I got chatting to another woman. We really hit it off and started to see each other regularly.

We both end up in the same cities because of our work. The whole relationship is conducted in hotels or apartments we have hired.

We are both married and each realise the other has a lot to lose. She’s in her early thirties with kids a lot younger than mine.

There are not the usual relationship issues. There’s no ‘you’ve dented the car’ or anything like that.

It's like I have a completely separate parallel life, there is no cross-over at all.

I have to be very strong-minded about it. Part of the process was adapting my mindset and compartmentalising it. It’s the same way you separate work and home life.

I have a fantastic time with the woman I have met, but the word ‘love’ never comes into it.

But I would say we were soul mates. We have similar interests, and intellectually and physically we connect.

When it comes to the future of our relationship, who knows.

I feel liberated. The biggest issues in my mind for five years, that I had no sex, romance or passion in my life, are no longer there.

Not a soul knows about my secret relationship, and there’s no need for them to.

The rest of my life ticks along nicely. I still go on family holidays and the fact that I am having another relationship doesn’t trouble me in the slightest.

I would say using the website has saved my marriage.